sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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