Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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