I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
