it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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