Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
