his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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