need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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