THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
