My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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