He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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