hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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