hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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