Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
