Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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