Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
