The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
