He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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