She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
