she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
