Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
