Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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