I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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