Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
