i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
