you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize