id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
