I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
