'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His hands were made for my vagina.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
