a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
