Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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