after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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