this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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