I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
