the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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