guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize