70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no you cant smoke seaweed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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