We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
