I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm at about main and main street
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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