He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just want to make out with him forever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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