the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
