so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
