I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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