my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
