god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize