now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
