well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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