1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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