i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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