dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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