I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
