Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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