And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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