So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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