All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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