just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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