I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
