She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
