If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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