I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
