had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
