i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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