Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
