I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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