Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
