$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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