Whod you bang
We're like a lot better than the average bears
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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