forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
