I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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