I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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