I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
