that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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