She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
