Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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