I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
