I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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