Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
