We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
