If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Small penises have feelings too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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