I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
