I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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