Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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