the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
